Sequence Page 7

  MR. ADAMSON

  They’re a bunch of cheaters?

  DR. GUZMAN

  They were investigated. And paid in full. Any other ideas?

  MR. ADAMSON

  Really good cheaters?

  DR. GUZMAN

  Did you notice the pattern? Grandfather. Daughter. Grandson.

  This is the same pattern as the pant-leg gene. X-linked.

  She draws an X on the board.

  MR. ADAMSON

  What are you saying, luck is genetic?

  DR. GUZMAN

  I’m asking the question.

  Auditorium

  CYNTHIA

  What the hell?

  THEO

  Protection. I’ve carried it with me since I was fourteen. I used to be an easy target.

  CYNTHIA

  Put it away.

  THEO

  Relax. It’s not loaded. Fully.

  CYNTHIA

  What do you mean, fully?

  THEO

  Ever heard of Russian roulette?

  THEO spins the cylinder.

  CYNTHIA

  It’s been nice talking to you.

  CYNTHIA walks toward the door.

  THEO

  Doesn’t seem fair though, does it? I should really use three bullets, not one? To be fair.

  CYNTHIA

  How long have you been suicidal?

  THEO

  If I wanted to commit suicide, I’d put all six bullets in.

  CYNTHIA

  And that would end your lucky streak once and for all, wouldn’t it? This time, you won’t give them a choice.

  THEO

  Well I’ve been wondering… maybe I should test my luck. What do you think?

  CYNTHIA

  I think you need to see a shrink.

  THEO

  Saw one. “Depressive Disorder. Schizoid tendencies. Excessive and inappropriate guilt.” He recommended medication.

  CYNTHIA

  Exactly.

  THEO

  Then he asked me for my Final Four picks.

  THEO puts the gun in his pocket.

  Turns out, when it comes to actually pulling the trigger, I’m a chicken. I think I was born that way.

  Laboratory

  DR. GUZMAN

  What if people are born lucky? Or unlucky? Some families are tall. Some have blue eyes. And some families you’d swear have horseshoes up their ass. How else do you explain the Bush presidencies?

  MR. ADAMSON

  How is that even possible? I mean, I see how a genetic defect can give you a disease. But how could this work with luck?

  DR. GUZMAN

  In order to answer that, you’d have to understand the molecular basis of luck.

  MR. ADAMSON

  Which is?

  DR. GUZMAN

  Damned if I know.

  She gives up on the Bunsen burner, throws the lighter across the room.

  But that doesn’t mean I can’t hypothesize. Let’s say you have a gene that makes you smell bad. You lack an enzyme. Upshot is, you stink.

  MR. ADAMSON

  I stink?

  DR. GUZMAN

  So you go through life smelly. Girls don’t like you. Teachers don’t like you. You can’t get a job. Maybe you step in front of a car, end up in a wheelchair. But you know what? You don’t even know you smell. And you think you’re just one incredibly unlucky guy.

  MR. ADAMSON

  You’re saying if I go to Vegas and put twenty bucks on black, there’s something in my genes that causes the ball to land on red?

  DR. GUZMAN

  Or… something makes you pick black in the first place. When you should have picked—

  MR. ADAMSON

  Heads!

  DR. GUZMAN gives a coin to MR. ADAMSON.

  DR. GUZMAN

  What is luck anyway? What if it’s just precognition? What if you woke up this morning and you already knew what was going to happen today?

  MR. ADAMSON

  I’d probably roll on past your office.

  DR. GUZMAN

  And go straight to the corner store to buy a lottery ticket. Wouldn’t you?

  MR. ADAMSON

  I might.

  MR. ADAMSON flips the coin, smacks it on the back of his hand.

  DR. GUZMAN

  And you’d win. Because you already knew the outcome. Of everything. And you’d become one very rich man.

  MR. ADAMSON

  Tails.

  MR. ADAMSON looks to the heavens in frustration.

  DR. GUZMAN

  But if nobody knew you could see the future, if nobody knew your secret, the world would just think you were one very lucky guy.

  Auditorium

  CYNTHIA

  Were you born lucky? Were you a lucky child?

  THEO

  I wouldn’t say that. Missed a lot of school. I was kind of a loner. My best friends were probably Ernie and Bert.

  CYNTHIA

  You mean Bert and Ernie. Who says Ernie and Bert?

  THEO

  Lots of people, check it out.

  CYNTHIA

  I will. Were your parents lucky?

  THEO

  My dad committed suicide when I was three.

  CYNTHIA

  So where did your luck come from?

  THEO

  It remains a mystery. Nobody can figure it out. Turns out I’m a normal guy. With a big schlong.

  THEO’s phone rings.

  And a lucky streak that refuses to die.

  THEO produces a coin.

  Until now.

  He flips it high in the air. Just as he’s about to catch it, CYNTHIA reaches out. She catches the coin, inverts it onto the back of her hand. She and THEO lean in close.

  Laboratory

  MR. ADAMSON

  How can you know what’s going to happen?

  DR. GUZMAN

  We already know time is malleable. Maybe there is some molecular basis that lets us modulate a sequence of events.

  MR. ADAMSON

  But you just said order is everything.

  DR. GUZMAN

  Yes, but sequences can mutate. And Einstein said time has relativity. So what happens in a certain sequence through one person’s eyes might happen in an alternate sequence for a different observer. And what if this warped chronology gives you a priori knowledge? And that’s why the “lucky” person chooses red.

  MR. ADAMSON

  Maybe it’s just intuition. A hunch.

  DR. GUZMAN

  But what is intuition? When someone flips a coin, what is that little voice in your head that says, choose tails. Is that your God or your Devil? Or is it déjà vu? Perhaps some people are born with the ability to see things differently. In a different sequence. And maybe that’s the gene that you, that we, lack.

  MR. ADAMSON

  Well good luck finding that gene.

  DR. GUZMAN

  Actually, I think I found it. I happened to stumble upon its next-door neighbour.

  Auditorium

  CYNTHIA

  No way! Thank God.

  THEO

  Thank God? For heads?

  CYNTHIA

  I knew it. Fibonacci Schmibonacci. Your guesses are completely random. Fibonacci was just…

  THEO

  A coincidence?

  CYNTHIA

  It was inevitable. Sooner or later you were bound to diverge. People don’t just randomly roll mathematical sequences. It caught up with you. On the twenty-first time. Finally.

  THEO

  You’re pretty happy about that.

  CYNTHIA />
  Well, I was starting to wonder. I mean, what if it came up tails? What would this mean? That all of your picks have come from… somewhere else?

  THEO

  From God?

  CYNTHIA

  Who the hell knows? Turns out your picks came from nowhere. There was no predetermination. No spiritual or scientific questions to be pondered. Just a coin flip gone bad.

  Pause.

  You seem disappointed.

  THEO

  A little. I was kind of hoping it would come up tails.

  CYNTHIA

  You’re sad because there is no spiritual reason for your lucky streak? You’re not God’s chosen one? You’re just a statistical aberration?

  THEO

  Thanks. I feel a lot better now.

  The phone starts to ring in the briefcase.

  CYNTHIA

  Sorry to disappoint you. But math is absolute. You can’t mess with it. Sooner or later, probability will prevail.

  CYNTHIA finds her autographed book, prepares to leave.

  THEO snaps open the briefcase, reaches for his phone.

  THEO

  I liked it better when I was an instrument of God.

  Laboratory

  MR. ADAMSON

  You’re joking, right? You can’t expect me to believe—

  DR. GUZMAN

  I understand your skepticism. I know it sounds implausible. There’s a reason nobody in the department knows I’m working on this.

  MR. ADAMSON

  How exactly does somebody find the gene for luck?

  DR. GUZMAN

  I started with those lucky families. I played a hunch and discovered all the winners put on their pants left leg first. Then I analyzed their DNA and incorporated gene candidates into mice. And I went looking for the luckiest mouse.

  MR. ADAMSON

  How can you tell a lucky mouse from an unlucky mouse? The one with the most cheese?

  DR. GUZMAN

  Exactly! Now you’re thinking like a scientist! I simply designed a random reward generator and identified the mouse with the most cheese.

  MR. ADAMSON

  Then you killed it?

  DR. GUZMAN

  Wouldn’t you know, just as I was about to euthanize him, the phone rang and the lucky bastard got away.

  MR. ADAMSON

  Really?

  DR. GUZMAN

  No. I killed him! If some higher power wants you dead, you’re dead, right? But I think I found it. On the X chromosome. Right next door to the PLO gene.

  MR. ADAMSON

  You’ve found the gene for luck?

  DR. GUZMAN

  First I need more data, or I will be discredited and put out to pasture for good. I don’t have much time left. I need to find a control… an exceptionally unlucky human being.

  Auditorium

  THEO speaks into the phone.

  THEO

  It’s me. Put everything on tails.

  CYNTHIA gasps, drops her book.

  Laboratory

  DR. GUZMAN

  It’s easy to find lucky people. But how do you find the unlucky ones? The unluckiest of them die. Usually in freak accidents, like playing with loaded guns.

  DR. GUZMAN rummages through a drawer. MR. ADAMSON moves closer.

  MR. ADAMSON

  So you need to get lucky to find an unlucky person to validate your luck gene? That’s a bit ironic.

  DR. GUZMAN

  Irony is like luck. Not everybody who thinks they got it got it.

  MR. ADAMSON

  I’ll have to remember that.

  MR. ADAMSON steals the door key from her lab-coat pocket.

  DR. GUZMAN

  It seems you do have something I want, Mr. Adamson.

  DR. GUZMAN produces a tourniquet.

  Your blood.

  Auditorium

  CYNTHIA

  What the hell? Your coin said heads.

  THEO

  Call it a hunch.

  CYNTHIA

  A hunch? How much money did you bet?

  THEO

  All of it. Eight hundred and fifty million. Give or take.

  CYNTHIA

  Holy shit. Eight hundred and fifty million dollars. On tails. On a hunch. How could you bet against your lucky coin flip?

  THEO

  How could I bet against Fibonacci?

  Laboratory

  MR. ADAMSON

  I couldn’t do that.

  DR. GUZMAN

  Your DNA would be most useful for my research.

  MR. ADAMSON

  That’s why you wanted to see me. You needed me for your research.

  DR. GUZMAN

  First I needed to establish if you were, in fact, luck deficient. Or if you were cheating. I think I have my answer.

  MR. ADAMSON

  Right. Yes, I’m starting to understand.

  DR. GUZMAN

  I’m not asking you to believe the science. I probably wouldn’t myself. I’m just asking you for some blood.

  MR. ADAMSON

  Have you even thought about the implications of what you’re doing? I mean, what if, God forbid, you’re right?

  DR. GUZMAN

  Did you know that Nobel Prize winners live two years longer than nominees?

  MR. ADAMSON

  Dr. Guzman, who wants an unlucky child?

  Auditorium

  CYNTHIA

  I wouldn’t. I’d just take the money and run.

  THEO

  Run where? Do what?

  CYNTHIA

  How much does it cost to cure a genetic disease?

  THEO

  When I die, all my money is being left to medical research.

  CYNTHIA

  Really?

  THEO

  Eye research.

  CYNTHIA

  Why eye research?

  THEO

  I knew someone.

  CYNTHIA

  I’m going blind.

  THEO

  What do you mean?

  CYNTHIA

  Retinitis pigmentosa. RP. You lose your peripheral vision.

  THEO

  That’s your genetic disease? RP?

  CYNTHIA

  Yes. That’s quite a…

  THEO

  Coincidence?

  CYNTHIA

  I need to open the envelope.

  THEO

  No. You don’t.

  CYNTHIA

  I’ll be legally blind by the time I’m forty. How can I let that happen to my daughter? Knowingly.

  THEO

  Did your mom know you had the gene? Did she know you were going to go blind one day?

  CYNTHIA

  No.

  THEO

  What if she did? What if she had an envelope, just like yours, and she had opened it? What would she have done?

  CYNTHIA

  That’s not a fair question.

  THEO

  I’ll tell you what she should have done. She should have torn up that envelope. Because if she had opened it, you wouldn’t be here today…

  The phone rings.

  And I would have chosen heads. When I should have chosen…

  THEO answers his phone.

  Laboratory

  MR. ADAMSON

  Nobody. Nobody wants an unlucky child. People kill innocent babies for lots of reasons. Now you want to add bad luck to that list?

  DR. GUZMAN

  I’m just trying to help people who are less fortunate. Like you.

  MR. ADAMSON

  I am not less fortunate.

  MR. ADAMSON moves
toward the door.

  DR. GUZMAN

  Oh but you are. You have lost the ability to walk. This is not an advantageous adaptation. It’s a lethal mutation.

  She writes on the board: lethal

  You have returned to that primordial ocean. You will not procreate. Your genes stop here. You are the definition of less fortunate. Have we not proven that to your satisfaction?

  DR. GUZMAN grabs a fistful of coins from her beaker.

  Heads or tails, Mr. Adamson? If you get just one coin right, I’ll let you go. But if you don’t…

  MR. ADAMSON

  You get my blood.

  DR. GUZMAN

  What do you say?

  MR. ADAMSON moves to the door. He stops, thinks. He flips his astragalus.

  MR. ADAMSON

  It says tails.

  DR. GUZMAN

  But what do you say?

  MR. ADAMSON takes a long look at the door, at the key hidden in his hand, at his astragalus. He spins to face DR. GUZMAN.

  MR. ADAMSON

  I say…

  DR. GUZMAN throws her fistful of coins into the air.

  MR. ADAMSON & THEO

  Tails.

  The coins crash to the floor.

  Auditorium

  THEO hangs up the phone slowly.

  THEO

  It was tails.

  CYNTHIA

  Are you telling me you just won 1.7 billion dollars?

  THEO

  Fibonacci was right.

  CYNTHIA

  Fibonacci was right.

  THEO

  What does this mean?

  THEO and CYNTHIA stare at the board.

  CYNTHIA

  It means you can’t lose.

  Laboratory

  DR. GUZMAN

  You can’t win, as they say, if you don’t play.

  MR. ADAMSON moves around the room in a tightening spiral. He checks each coin on the ground. DR. GUZMAN slides in behind him, pushes his wheelchair.

  So we all play. Even you, Mr. Adamson. Only money can’t buy you a couple of new legs. That’s the lottery you’re really playing? That’s what you covet.

  MR. ADAMSON

  If it’s God’s will.

  DR. GUZMAN

  Well, you’ve got to be a little lucky to win, don’t you? Maybe I can help.

  MR. ADAMSON

  I don’t need your help. I’m betting on God.

  MR. ADAMSON climbs desperately out of the wheelchair, falls to the floor.

  Frantically, he checks each coin on the ground.

  DR. GUZMAN

  That was Pascal’s Wager. He said even though the existence of God cannot be determined, we should wager as though God exists. Because that way you have everything to gain and nothing to lose.